just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
