I CAN MOONWALK!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
