Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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