I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
