every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
