My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His hands were made for my vagina.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
