I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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