Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
