Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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