He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
