I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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