I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
