they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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