Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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