So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
