Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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