and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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