last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
