Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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