AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
