I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize