I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
