I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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