I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
