i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like, not good at living.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
