how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
