I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
