was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
