k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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