4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
