well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
