toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
