i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
