No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I currently don't understand fingers.
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