you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
