I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
