Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
