i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
