how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
