you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
