I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
