I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
