@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
