I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
