Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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