honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have aggressive nipples.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
