Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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