You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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