I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
