you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
