Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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