my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize