Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
