Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if only i could text you this smell
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
