I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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