I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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