somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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