Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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