Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this will be a night to untag.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
