brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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