i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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