brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
