Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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