so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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