My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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