If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who died my cat blue again?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
