Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
