I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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