Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
