is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize