The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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